Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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