If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
