My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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