How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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