Where did you get a picture of my penis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I deserve this hangover.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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