dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
