I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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