I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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