I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
