you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
