I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
