Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
