I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
