she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
