If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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