I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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