I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
