Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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