I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
