thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i think im in europe. pls send help
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
