i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
