that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They have beer where we have blood.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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