i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
