This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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