after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Randomize
