Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
