No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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