i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
