Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
