I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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