Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
