even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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