This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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