He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize