If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
