I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
