I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pants are for mortals
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize