You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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