Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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