i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
