The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
