living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
