Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
