i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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