Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
