why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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