Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
