Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize