Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
