Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I see more hoeing in ur future
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
