Cold hands, warm shart.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You need a sexual gate keeper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
