did you get engaged???
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
