Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
