I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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