spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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