ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
