His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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