and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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