We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
