Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
