Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
