he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
