just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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