he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
