found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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