Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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