He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
