I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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