You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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