I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
